Is the Name a Gain? Or a Pain?

Now we have talked a lot about Leadership and where it comes from. We also realise that Leadership is more then just skills, it is a balance between self-understanding and our attitudes towards others.

Now here we will look at one skill that is so important that I will urge all of you to practice until you make it a habit. Now imagine you are at a party, and you don't really want to be there. It just so happens that your boss sent you here to 'network'. For those of you not working, it could be a camp you been to or an orientation event and you are meeting so many new people at one time, and it is overwhelming! Now if you have name cards, you most probably will be giving out a handful and then collecting a handful for yourself. So in the end do you really know which name card belongs to who? Some cards have pictures and that helps but what if there were no pictures? and my goodness, what if you had 3 Andrews and you couldn't pick out the difference.

The point I'm making here is that we cannot allow ourselves to remember people's name through a game of 'Wacko' or simple ice breakers. We need to understand the importance of names.

Read this and think about it:

"Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."

Dale Carnegie Principle #6 from How to Win Friends and Influence People

Mr Carnegie has been a fore-founder to the whole self-help genre and look at the words he has used to describe a person's name. "Sweetest" and "most important sound" and I'm sure you agree with this as well. You know when I'm outside and I hear "Jonathan!", I almost immediately turn my head to look, its almost instinctively. And then I see it was another Jonathan being called so I look away and pretend nothing happened. I don't know about you but Jonathan is a pretty common name so I get this from time to time. But the rational here is so simple, we are drawn to our name as it represents our identity and who we are.


Right right, so now you tell me that names are important. However, I know this too! I know that remembering names is essential for positive first impressions and human relations. BUT no matter how I try, I just can't do it! I just can't remember names. I was born that way!

If you feel like any of the above statements then you are just fine, as most people in the world cannot remember names just like that. But think, could you remember the name of your first crush easily? Could you remember the name of that CEO whom you are tasked by your boss to make acquaintances with? Or maybe your favourite band and all the names of the band members and the meaning of their names and their birthday and star signs. As humans, we unconsciously rank and list things around us in terms of importance. So surely that CEO's name is more important then that Junior Executive you met at the bar or was it the dessert counter? You can't even remember where you met sometimes. Our perceptions on people have to change and only then can we work towards remembering their names.

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Lets stop here for the time being, I will put up more information on specific techniques towards remembering names but remember, when talking to a person, use his or her name within the conversation and slowly they will open up and you will also relate their name to their face. This is one very simple way in which we help our mind associate. Finally, whether the name is a gain or the name is a pain, falls back on how you use it. Use it wisely.











Jonathan Szeto has been working with youth and teens for many years and wants to encourages everyone to find that Leader in them. For more information on Leadership for Teens, Becoming an Effective Leader and Using Leadership to Create Change please visit http://the-effective-leader.blogspot.com/

Am I a Leader? - The Origins of a Leader

Many people have struggled with this question and have spent much of their time finding out if they can be or are leaders. Now why this is so is mostly because Leadership is usually seen as a strong character trait and has a positive image to it. One thing for sure, successful people tend to be effective leaders as well. And all of us want to be successful in whatever we do. So its not uncommon that we find ourselves asking at some point, "Am I a Leader?"

Lets do an activity and ask ourselves this question,

"Did the Leader or the Follower come first?"

*Spend a few minutes here thinking about the question before reading on*

It is important to note that there is no right or wrong answer, however coming to a conclusion whatever our answers may be, shows us our perspective on how we view the relationship between Leader and Follower.

When I asked myself this question, I spent some time thinking about the logical flow of the makings of a leader. Firstly, without followers, how can one be truly a leader? and like wise, if we were all born leaders without followers, then who is the real leader?

These were questions that I reflected over and this image came into my head. I saw the origins of mankind and saw a group of early humans together. There was a great storm coming and the people didn't have anywhere to go. But one man stood up and said lets travel East where the weather is warmer. Another man stood up and said we should stay where we are familiar in. After many hours of debate, the first man stood up and walked towards the east. Following behind him were half the group. The other half chose to remain behind with the second man. Thus was born 2 early leaders of society.

Look at this story, and you will see that the 'Leader' emerged from the beliefs within the first man. The second man felt different about it and the 'Leader' in him took charge as his own beliefs came to light. Here we see my answer to the question on who came first. My answer is that they both came together.

Both Leader and Follower came together. There will be many times in your life where you feel different about something. Whether it is a decision or an action, these are opportunities for us to take a stand on what we believe. This is where we can step up to the plate and be a leader in our own right. There will also be times where we will feel the same about something. About a cause or a movement and we want to be a part of. That is when we become followers. Not just blind followers but followers who feel and think the same as their leader. I call this Passive Leadership.

Do not assume that leadership has to come from and with a Title. Anyone can be a leader. Leaders come and go throughout the course of history but what remains as fact is that Leaders are needed for change to occur. Every great and effective leader out there will tell you that Leaders are not born. They are bred. They spend countless hours of practice in doing what they have to do. They are persistent in getting what they want to achieve. They do what they have to with energy as they know that they did not get to where they are based only on skill or luck. There is an unaccountable amount of sweat, blood, and tears that go along with it. Its just that we don't see it. Or when these people are speaking about their success, they don't tell you really what happens behind closed doors.

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So remember, don't give yourself the excuse or blame fate as the judgement of whos to become the next great leader. If anyone is going to be a great leader, its you. As you have every right to stand up for you and what you believe and for those around you who believe in you. So when you ask yourself, "Am I a Leader?" Well answer, "YES!" cause only you have the key towards your own leadership. Enough reading, go and be a Leader starting today.

Jonathan Szeto has been working with youth and teens for many years and wants to encourages everyone to find that Leader in them. For more information on Leadership for Teens, Becoming an Effective Leader and Using Leadership to Create Change please visit http://the-effective-leader.blogspot.com/

Using Leadership to Create Change

Lets face it, all of us want to make a difference. Even the most pessimistic of all has, at some stage, a dream, vision and goal. We all want to 'change the world' and 'make a difference'. This is in fact not unusual behaviour as we are unique individuals and more importantly we are different from each other. This makes us want to stand out either, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally and/or Socially (PIES).

Now why would we want to make that niche or mark in society? What drives us and challenges us to step it up and be a forerunner in this competitive world? Where do we get that energy from? Well, it hurts to say but sub-consciously we are thinking about self preservation. In other words, what would be my legacy? How would you want to be remembered? And for what reason? This ego-centrism nature of it might sound selfish and it might be, however this is how we preserve the human race. Making history as we go and recording it for future generations to follow, to learn, and to change.

Now how does this all link to Effective Leadership? By now, we would have understood that Effective Leadership is the pinnacle of influence and the ability to change things. This itself is the answer towards 'making a difference' and 'changing the world'.

So what do you mean this is the answer? Well, just look around you and observe the lack of dreams in the society.


Finding Your Dreams

Being an Early Childhood Educator, I see a lack of dreams in children in Singapore. This is distressing and very unhealthy for the growth of society. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a pilot, a policeman, I think superman at one point until I learned humans could not fly. And I did not think "Wow! I want to be an office worker!" or "Come on! I want to be a shower singer!" If I really wanted to sing, my dream would be to be on a stage with an ocean of fans. But what happened to me? Did I lose sight of my dreams? No. I just found the anti-dream; reality.

So as I grew older, my dreams changed as well. For example, by the age of 5, I pretty much knew I was not going to fly. However, we take stock of our dreams and that is why a memorable childhood is usually filled with plenty of dreams. Not all dreams live completely in reality, nor is it the other way round. But dreams gives us an advantage to look forward. It gives us the strength to aspire and improve. Dreams can be both practical, if you want to work towards it, or superficial, as long as you attain a positive reaction to them in reality. Dreams excite our lives.

When was the last time you were truly excited? Was it when you clinched that ever elusive deal or maybe getting the top sales person award. How long did it last? Were you truly happy or just satisfied at exceeding expectations and completing your job. We are in this fast, modern society that focuses on results and our weakness, hardly on our strengths, and so we have to go for training which is not bad but at times misleads people to think that they are still not good enough. This affects their empowerment to teach others, and so we are caught in a deadly cycle.

We have to remember not to get trapped in this rat race. Can you step out and dream again? Can you wake up each morning and feel that sizzle in life, that excitement? Cause if you can, then you are taking measure and responsibility of your life. Leading your life effectively is Effective Leadership. You start with yourself, find that dream, find that excitement, or in the words of Mr T from the A-Team get "on the jazz". And then you will find that you deserve to change others and make a difference to them. You feel good about yourself and you make others feel good too. Go and find your dream.

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In a conclusion to this chapter, we understand that using leadership to create change is only possible if we change ourselves first. Our dreams and going back to what we love and what excites us, gives us a power which overcomes the poor excuse of wanting to make a difference because we 'feel like it' or 'feel obliged'. We have to earn the right and feel like we deserve to make a change in other peoples lives, only then can our change be positive. Always remember that Effective Leaders make Effective Changes in people.

Jonathan Szeto has been working with youth and teens for many years and wants to encourages everyone to find that Leader in them. For more information on Leadership for Teens, Becoming an Effective Leader and Using Leadership to Create Change please visit http://the-effective-leader.blogspot.com/

Skills to Influence not Manipulate

There is an unavoidable triad that links Leadership, Title and Power together. They all co-exist within each other. For example, a Title such as 'Supervisor' brings with it elements of Leadership. Power, which is the self belief to be able to do things, either in a positive way of influencing others or in a negative way of manipulation, also bears traits of Leadership. Titles are also symbols of power and the greater or higher the Title/Position, the greater the Power associated with it. It is the same with Leadership, the greater or stronger the Leader in you, the greater the ability to use the Powers of Leadership. Now this segment, titled "Skills to Influence not Manipulate", is a look in and a focus on the Positive side of Leadership.


Influence VS. Manipulation

Influence is the positive usage of Power. It is used by effective leaders who desire to change and help those around them. Influence is not forced upon nor is it something effective leaders use to get a foothold on something or someone. It should be a genuine focus on the greater good to improve the person, themselves, the environment and atmosphere and so on.

On contrast to this is the negative usage of power - manipulation. One thing that Power does to us is cloud our judgement, character and moral. This is the trap of Power Addiction. This trap begins when we start to feel comfortable with the Power available to us. We use it freely and for our own purposes more then for others. We forget that it is the people around us that give us this power and we begin to see our power as a must and that it is only right that we have power. Usually, this trap of Power Addiction coincides with the position and Title bestowed on us.

So how can we refrain from falling into the trap of Power Addiction? One simple way to know if we or those in Power are falling into the trap of Power Addiction is to notice the actions and behaviours of the Leader. Someone who shows signs of a strong focus on self gain is most likely to be heading down a Power struggle within himself. How leaders use their powers such as to create change and improve others or to gain status and to become famous is the difference between an effective leader and a Power Addicted leader.


In the book, "You Don't Need A Title To Be A Leader" by Mark Sanborn, he defines Leadership as Influence. Just like how we have talked about the responsibilities that come with leadership; an Influential Leader is someone who makes things better.

Here is an anonymous quote saying:

"Leadership is the art of getting extraordinary performance from ordinary people"

This quote really sums up the channel in which we should be using the Powers of Leadership. To create change and make things better. Making the ordinary extraordinary.

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In a summary of this chapter, Leadership Skills acquired enhances our Powers and so does Titles bestowed upon us. But how we exercise our power with people shows us if we are taking a positive step or negative step in our leadership. It is said that Leaders make heroes of everyone around them. If we can be aware of the pitfalls of Power and the trap of Power Addiction and if we can take action to prevent it from happening and also be the catalyst of positive change and making things better, we will be sure that we are on the right path towards effective leadership.









Jonathan Szeto has been working with youth and teens for many years and wants to encourages everyone to find that Leader in them. For more information on Leadership for Teens, Becoming an Effective Leader and Using Leadership to Create Change please visit http://the-effective-leader.blogspot.com/

Security in Leadership

Have you ever heard the expression 'tip of the iceberg'? This usually refers to a negative situation where what is visible or known is only a small part of a larger problem. This principle where about 1/9 of the volume of an iceberg is above the sea level is a good example of Security in Leadership. Like the pyramids of Egypt, the stronger and greater the pyramids, the wider and more secured the base.

Now, what dose security mean? Security is simply the 90% of the iceberg underwater. The strong, secured base, which is sometimes not seen, but we build on towards effective leadership. If I had to break down the components of effective leadership, it would look like this:

Effective Leadership = 10% Skills + 90% Security

In return to the analogy of the iceberg, what we see and what we do is only 10% of an effective leader. These skills can be presentation techniques, public speaking methodologies or maybe reading body language. There are so many skill sets and techniques out there for us to learn but the truth is no matter how much skills and training we acquire, we can only stand strong if we have built a wide, strong, secure base (90% - Security). The bigger our security, the higher we can aim to achieve.

You might ask, what is this security that affects effective leadership so much? Security can be broken down into 2 main categories.


Security = 1 (Morals) + 2 (Values and Principle)



1) Morals - The First Level of Building the Leader in You

Morals are the most basic and simplest forms of belief that is logically indisputable. One example is 'Honesty'. No one in his or her right mind would want people to be dishonest towards them. This is not to say that they are truly honest people themselves but this is a moral trait that every human being can associate to. In other words, morals are the innate behaviours, both logical and emotional, that make us human.

As morals are the first step towards humanity, it is also true that all of us have it. The more we seek to understand about ourselves the stronger our potential to become effective leaders. Morals are not something we can hide or remove. It is the reason of our existence and the underlying cause of our actions. Without morals, we seize to become human.


2) Values and Principle - The Seed and Fuel for our Growth and Drive to be Leaders

Values are very similar to our morals in the way it affects our thinking, perceptions, mindsets and actions. However, the main difference is that while morals are a universal tie to humans, values differ from each individual person. Values are the experiences we face from childhood, it can be the upbringing we received or the environment in which we grew up in. These are all factors contributing towards our values.

For example, I grew up in a family where integrity was enforced from as early as I can remember. There were no holds in telling lies. I remember getting severely punished for telling a lie and it affected me as I felt that it was no big deal, just child's play. But little did I know, this value of integrity got associated with me because of the upbringing I received from my parents. Even now, as a teacher, I also seek to pass on this value to my children in my class. We are affected and we react based on our values.

There is however, something more than our values that drives us to stand up for what we believe in. This is our principle, a guide for our life in which we follow and set out to achieve. The principles of a man can differ as black is to white. There is no set of principles in which everyone follows. There is however, a set of socially norm principles that people are encouraged to undertake as their own set of principles.

To be a man of principle is in essence to stand by what he or she believes in without a hint of faltering or uncertainty. This is seen in our everyday life. Countless examples such as Martin Luther King believing in the equality of man in his 'I Have A Dream' speech. Mother Teresa believing in the care for the poor and desolate and showing this through her actions. These are just some examples of how their principles in them drives them to become leaders. It is a trait amongst effective leaders that they all have strong principles that they hold on to and firmly believe in.

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These morals, values and principles that we have is the security that we need to lead. A huge, magnificent iceberg that we see is only 1/9 of the full picture. The higher we want to grow and reach, the bigger our securities must lie. The tallest building has the biggest foundation. To be confident and to believe in yourself and those around you allows you to change and impact others more then mere fanciful usage of grammar, nouns and verbs. It is you that makes the difference to yourself and those around you.


In conclusion, an effective leader is not one who possesses great skill, technique, or ability. But he is one who firstly, understands himself, and then has a clear picture of what he believes in and what drives and motivates him. In channeling his energy and enthusiasm into these areas, he in turn takes the first step towards leading himself thus starting his journey towards leading others and towards effective leadership.













Jonathan Szeto has been working with youth and teens for many years and wants to encourages everyone to find that Leader in them. For more information on Leadership for Teens, Becoming an Effective Leader and Using Leadership to Create Change please visit http://the-effective-leader.blogspot.com/

Powers of Leadership

According to Stephen R. Covey, he categorizes the Powers of Leadership into 10 power tools. These power tools are available to any principle-centred leader. Now, what is a principle-centred leader? A principle-centred leader is one with a strong base of security. We will touch on more when we go into the topic of Security in Leadership.

Coming back to the 10 powers tools, these are tools that allow leaders to change, influence and motivate the people he or she is leading. Leading is much more then giving orders or instructions, leading is about feeling sympathy and empathy for the people under them so as to communicate effectively to others around you. They can be your boss or another team or just your fellow colleagues.

These are the 10 power tools:

1. Persuasion


2. Patience


3. Gentleness


4. Teachableness


5. Acceptance


6. Kindness


7. Openness


8. Compassionate


9. Consistency


10. Integrity

Looking at the list above, you might notice a strong sense of morals and humanitarian theme running through it all. This is not surprising as leaders lead fellow human beings. The effective leader draws people towards them without or with little effort because they understand the powers that come with leadership. The ability to feel for his or her subordinates and to be kind, compassionate and gentle towards them is almost second nature for effective leaders. They hold no prejudice or resentment when a follower makes a mistake. They in turn learn to accept them and show a high level of patience to teach them. This draws people towards them and more importantly, makes them stay and believe in the leader leading them.



Using the Powers of Leadership


There are a number of ways that people can use the powers available to them through leadership. One such way is through Fear. There would be many instances where both you and I have experienced fear working under somebody. The idea of using authority and title of the leader to make others do what they want is in essence to instill fear in those under them. I am sure this is something none of us like to be under but sometimes we forget and lead in the same way. It is important for us to remember that as leaders we are there to bring out the best in others not turn our followers or subordinates against us. This action of instilling Fear actually seems to only work in the short term. Once the title is gone or the threat or source of fear is gone, you will lose all your followers and nobody will believe in you anymore. It may get you the result in the short run but people will not want to work for you in the future. In fact the long term damage upon you is much worst. People will have a bad reputation of you and you will bear the mark of a tyrant who is only interested in the power that comes with leadership and not the people you lead as a leader.


The next way leaders use their powers gained through leadership is sort of like a resource centre. Followers know you have a great source of influence in a certain area or are following you just to gain our knowledge or experience. Again, this is a misguided reason to lead and to follow. Are we leaders because we stand up for what we believe in? Or are we leaders because we have something that others want to exploit. Just to make things clear, it is not wrong for a leader to teach and coach his or her followers, however if the follower is following the leader just because of the influence or the monetary value the leader has then there is a barrier in the attitude of the follower thus affecting the leader as well.

One example I can give you is Tom, a young entrepreneur who is quite successful in his business ventures and has a simple staff office under him. He has learned through his dealings that ruthlessness is the key to success. He treats his staff the same way as well, however there has always been a high turn out for interns at his office, many of them who, in turn, became successful businessman as well. They all named Tom as a role model or a leader which inspired them but felt that there were some areas he needed to work on, mainly staff management. Looking back at this example, many people wanted to follow or learn from Tom because of his success in business, but not many wanted to follow him in his believes. Thus Tom actually resulted in losing a few good men who could have helped his business grow even further just by making them feel that it was worth staying and working under him. This is the difference between a mere leader leading due to success and an effective leader leading followers because they want to follow.


This brings us to the last usage of powers gained from leadership. This is the 'legitimate' power which brings people across boundaries to work towards the same goal. These leaders lead their followers with great pride and responsibility. They create a belief in their followers making them want to follow because they trust and respect their leader and the cause he or she believes in. This is not done through an act of instilling fear or followers following just to gain something. It is made possible because of the human element in leadership, the desire to count amongst many and the leader is able to provide this trust and acceptance to all and at a consistent level. This is the pinnacle of influence that an effective leader can hope to achieve. Followers following in a well thought and uninhibited commitment which greatly improves the capacity and ability of the group.


In conclusion, it is undeniable that Power and Leadership go hand in hand. It is crucial for a leader to choose what he or she is going to use the power for. To focus on self-gain is to focus on the negative aspect. To focus on the greater good for those around them and themselves is the positive aspect. Power is in the end, a self belief to be able to do things. It is what you do with it that matters.

Jonathan Szeto has been working with youth and teens for many years and wants to encourages everyone to find that Leader in them. For more information on Leadership for Teens, Becoming an Effective Leader and Using Leadership to Create Change please visit http://the-effective-leader.blogspot.com/

The Power of Leadership - Introduction

What is Leadership?

Leadership is about standing up for what you believe in. It is the pinnacle of influence and the ability to change things around them. Leadership is important and a very real part of our lives. Look around you and you will see many leaders. The question is, can you be that leader in your own unique way?

Who can be a Leader?

Are leaders born or bred? Who determines if we can be a leader? Or maybe we say "I'm not cut out to be a leader." These are all barriers that stop us from achieving our potential. Leaders are not born, they never were. People become leaders because they stood up for what they believed in. If there is something that means alot to you and you feel its worth fighting for, then you are a leader. Everyone who has a dream can be a leader.

Why is it important for society to have leaders?

If I say that everyone can be a leader and if everyone wants to be a leader, then where have all the followers gone? Can there be such a thing as too many leaders? Yes, and No. If Followers were like Cats that we keep as pets and Leaders were like Tigers roaming free who would you rather have on your team? A group of cats led by a tiger or a group of tigers led by a cat? It would seem that a group of cats led by a tiger is more dangerous then the latter simpily because of the power of an effective leader. But is one leader good enough? Imagine a group of tigers led by a tiger. What power and might this group would have to achieve great things. Each one can be a leader in his or her own way and everyone has to believe in the same objectives as the leader. Only then a group can be such as tigers led by a tiger.

The Power that comes with leadership

Leadership is also paired with power and influence. Sometimes people abuse this leadership and manipulate others. This tells us that Power and Responsibility goes hand in hand. It is important that we set a positive mindset so that we can become effective leaders. It is unavoidable that we encounter situations where our morals are tested but it is in overcoming them that we become stronger in our leadership.


In the following chapters of THE EFFECTIVE LEADER - The Power of Leadership, we will touch on many topics such as the Powers of Leadership, Security in Leadership, Skills to Influence not Manipulate and Using Leadership to Create Change.